Me-thinks professor George Giuliani has some sort of chip on his shoulder and a little too much time on his hands.  Our learned special-ed professor is trying to teach us the horrors of watching the classic Christmas animation “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”.  Apparently, the professor discovered that there’s bullying going on in the North Pole.  Well, apparently somebody got his PhD. in “Obvious.”

Hey why don’t we just pretend we are all the same??

Professor Giuliani believes the program sends a terrible message to kids, especially disabled children, that “we will not accept you as you are, but only if you can do something extraordinary.”  He seems to confuse the ending, stating that the “Misfits”, Hermey and Rudolph aren’t accepted until they prove their value at the end of the show when Rudolph’s nose lights the way to save Christmas.  Sorry Doc, your logic is as murky as the storm that almost grounded Santa.  The misfits are accepted and apologized to before it becomes clear that Rudolph’s “non-conformity” would save the day.   And let me give you a little help on the message it sends.  Sitting with my youngest daughter, probably 7 at the time, watching the show on a big blanket in front of the television, buttered popcorn spilling on our laps.  She immediately picks up on the fact that they’re being awfully mean to Rudolph.  In her eyes, Rudolph is different, but he was very courageous.  His difference gave him courage.  It helped him save Christmas.  In other words, my 7 year-old daughter picked up on the fact that yes, people are different, yes, people can be cruel and sometimes you have to have courage.  And you will persevere, you will overcome.  But you should always apologize for treating someone poorly.  You know, kind of like real life?  If you need help with any of this in the future Doc, just look us up; we’d be glad to help you figure this out.

I’m not sure what the good professor’s motive is aside from selling his own book, “No more bullies at the North Pole.”  It’s hard to teach children lessons about bullying without examples, as real life situations are a little tough to pause, rewind and fast-forward.  An opportunity to spend some quality family time with them watching a show that does indeed have a positive message is the perfect way to do it.   So I won’t bother to download the good doctor’s book for just $9.95 to discuss “10 of Santa’s policies that Mrs. Claus says are unfair or hurtful.”  I think the kids and I have it just right.  And I just suspect that Mr. Giuliani has some underlying reason to dismiss a holiday classic and it probably has more to do with the holiday than the message.  Maybe we need to write up a different ending to the story, one that probably more closely resembles what the good doctor and others like him who wish to ruin the Christmas holiday for the rest of us, really wish for the message to be.

Hermey and Rudolph run away and meet up with a polar bear that’s a lawyer for the ACLU, (the Animated Creatures Liberties Union.)  He convinces them to start up a 501(c)(3) organization called “the Friends Of Special Toys.”  They travel back to Christmas town where they unionize the elves.  Together Rudolph, Hermey and local Diminutive Toy Workers 52 file a class action lawsuit against Santa Inc. for unfair labor practices and discrimination, forcing Santa Inc. to close down the factory and go into receivership.  Elf Union officials get a reprieve and TARP money to re-open the factory, but the National Labor Relations Board requires the factory to be moved to a non-right-to-work state.  The factory relocates to Wisconsin making non-toxic, child-safe, gender-neutral toys for the new “Winter Solstice Celebration” holiday after the government rules “Christmas” is exclusionary and discriminates against just about everybody.

The old North Pole location is declared an environmental sanctuary, as it’s the breeding ground of the endangered Abominable Snowman.

PETA starts an ad campaign against Yukon Cornelius, spraying him with silver and gold paint wherever he goes.  After he is charged with animal cruelty, he eventually gives up his sled dogs to PETA who euthanizes them a week later and disposes of the remains in a dumpster behind the toy factory.

King Moonracer is found guilty of 25 counts of aggravated kidnapping and the false imprisonment of  “Differently Abled” toys and is given 15 consecutive life sentences.   The island of misfit toys is transferred to Mr. Charley-in-the-box and Spotted Elephant after a civil judgment and is turned into a “Misfit” vacation and resort get-away, specializing in month long cruises for misfit toys and their life partners.

How’s that for a heart-warming message?  Everyone lives happily ever after and only officially government-sanctioned bullying is allowed.   Merry Christmas!

Oops, Happy Solstice…