You’ve gotta be kidding.  Whistles and vomit, urination and safe zones.  Co-eds at the University of Colorado have all sorts of wonderful tactics to employ if they are being raped, that is if they can determine whether they are being raped at all.  Of course the one tactic they shouldn’t be allowed to employ is a concealed weapon on campus.  You know, those estrogen crazed females may not actually be in trouble and as such, not know just who they’re shooting at.

Good Girl. Now stay in the safe zones...

Good Girl. Now stay in the safe zones…

Colorado State Rep Joe Salazar thinks that women would be just fine if they found a call box, stayed in a safe zone or blew their rape whistles.  Friggin’ asshat.  Is a rape safe zone kind of like the “gun free” zones so many crazies select for their hunting grounds, filled with unarmed targets of opportunity?   Just what the heck is a safe zone, as compared to a non-safe zone?  Maybe a safe zone is the only place women should be allowed on campus.  An unsafe zone is off-limits to women?  So there are places that a Colorado co-ed shouldn’t be for fear of being raped?  Jeez, that sounds reminiscent of “well, she was dressed like she was asking for it.”  I mean really, she wasn’t in a safe zone, she’s fair game.

Where do most of these rapes on campus occur?  I don’t really know.  Possibly in dorm rooms or off campus apartments, usually at the hands of some guy who seemed nice at first but decided that “no” wasn’t the answer he was looking for?  Are these safe zones, or is the definition variable, depending on the situation?  Feel uncomfortable?  Reach for the call box or blow your whistle.  Better yet, lean over and give him the old Technicolor yawn and your problem is solved.  Unless your bladder is full, then have at it.

Rape is not a crime about sex.  It’s about violence and power, taking violently from someone who the rapist feels he has ultimate power and control over.  Somebody that violent won’t be deterred by you peeing on him.  Nope, he may get sexually turned off, but he’s going to inflict harm on you one way or another.  Now he’s just more pissed off, pardon the expression.

I’m sorry, I may be a little graphic here, but women don’t have the time to look for a call box, blow a whistle or stick their fingers down the back of their throats.  I certainly believe women should have the right to carry on campus.  But realistically, she may not even have time to get to her weapon.  No, let’s take off the gloves here.  If he’s going to rape you, make him pay.  Dearly.  Ventilate him if possible.  How about a couple of thumbs deep in the eye sockets?  How about reaching down and twisting his fun bag until he talks like one of the boys from One Direction?  How about when we prosecute these animals, we give them a minimum 50 years behind bars and immediate castration?

Lost in all the hoopla and posturing over guns on campus is just how violent and utterly unacceptable the crime of rape is.  We should give women any leeway they need to protect themselves while allowing them to be free wherever they wish to be on campus, including the right to carry a weapon.  We should encourage them to inflict as much physical harm as possible, make the bastards pay. (Of course, I understand the arguments about not resisting saving your life.  If that works for you, do it.)

But finally, let’s make sure that the punishment, if not as violent as the crime, is swift, severe and keeps other unarmed women from having to look over their shoulders when they walk through the “non-safe” zones, tightly clutching their semi-automatic whistles.