So it would appear, at least according to Madam Albright, a great number of the women in New Hampshire went straight to hell last night. In hell and feeling the Bern, no doubt. Let’s do some very simple math; the aging socialist got sixty percent of the democrat vote last night; if we assume for the sake of brevity that half of those voting were women, well, that means that thirty percent of all of the women who voted the democrat ticket are now living in the zip code of Mephistopheles. And all this apparently, to meet some really hot hipster dudes who are also feeling the burn.

Listen closely and you'll hear Connie singing "where the boys are."

Listen closely and you’ll hear Connie singing “where the boys are.”

Puzzling to say the least; no, not the appeal of any one campaign or another. No, from the perspective of a man, I wonder just what the hell the message of feminism truly is. I can’t pin it down, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that it’s not just me; old Gloria and Madeline don’t seem to have it pegged either. I used to think that is was a rebuke of everything man-hood. At least that’s how it used to appear. Women wanted to be everything a man was; well at least all of the things that they thought were positive. They hated men because according to feminists, we “think with our dicks.” Fast forward. Now it’s important to think with your vagina. Used to be that feminists believed that sexualizing women was the worst trait in men. Fast forward. Now you can’t watch any one of the young ex-Disney performers without them showing off their assets. But that’s celebrated as empowerment. Honest ladies, I don’t peek though. So just who are they displaying their duck lips and enhanced pumpkin-shaped derrieres for? Strippers used to be denigrated by feminists. Now they give them Oscars and Grammy’s. Go figure.

If it’s all so confusing for the ladies, they should take a look at the men in their lives. Or if they don’t have a man, maybe it’s because we’re often not quite sure what you expect of us. Or even if you want us around at all. After all, we’re just as useless as bicycles to a fish. Well except for that “dying on foreign lands” thingy, and running into burning buildings and spiders in the tub. This goes beyond the “what do women want” meme. Want to be in combat? Okay, as long as you don’t have to meet those stringent requirements. Same goes for being a fireman or a cop. Then you’re all in. if I hadn’t registered for the draft, I wouldn’t have been allowed to get those wonderful college loans that Bernie’s supporters don’t want to have to pay. Oddly, my sister never had the same requirement. (Poor thing was just as saddled with them as all the rest of us..) Time to sign up for the draft, ladies. All things being equal and all.

Was feminism about their strength, their possibilities and the opportunities that women wanted? Why would women be told that a man in their life was that last thing they should need; that women can and should take care of themselves. Heaven forbid you try to pay for a lady’s dinner; how patronizing. Assuming she needs to be taken care of? Misogynist asshole. Heaven forbid you try not to pay for her abortion. Wait, what? Women don’t need a man to take care of them; they only need government to do so. Ah, women never said they don’t need a daddy. They just prefer a nameless faceless one, chosen by other women who get to define, randomly and inconsistently, just what the hell it means to be a woman. Literally. Just ask Glamour. They have it all figured out. Except I guess, that part about voting with your vagina.

Maybe it was all misread on my part. Why in the world would women want to become more like us, more like the dreaded man, what they had despised so much? After all, once you became that which you hated, would self-hate be far behind? Or was self-hate what drove you in that direction in the first place?

Feminism was merely a ploy to separate the sexes from one another in an attempt to build a voting coalition. Period. Go ahead and argue that point all you want, but I and a lot of other men my age spent most of our lives on the receiving end of hate directed towards our gender, often times for things we had never done. Well, I am truly sorry however, for giving you my seat on the bus and opening that door for you. My bad. Misandry is acceptable as a political tool; it does nothing as far as human relations between the sexes. But that’s okay, you don’t need us anyway. You’ve pretty much made that abundantly clear. Well, you need some of us, at least sometimes. You’re certainly willing to give ol’ billy-boy a sloppy knob if he promises to vote the way you want him to. Trading sexual favors? Thought that was demeaning. Feminism is all about situational ethics. Shit, now I get it. That’s why you can blindly support a woman who takes large sums of money from governments willing to give a woman hundreds of lashes for showing her ankle. A woman who giggles about setting free the rapist of a thirteen year old girl. A woman who hides behind the feminism that’s supposed to unite all the uteri of the world, claiming that every woman has the right to be believed, unless of course she’s attacked by one of those preferred members of the replacement daddy-class whom feminism seeks to marry you to.

Sorry, but I’m no fan of socialism; learn your history and maybe you’ll figure out why. Ponder for a minute why people are dying to cross over our borders to get here, but for the last hundred years or so, they were being shot trying to cross their own borders to escape socialism. No matter, vote your conscience. Your own individual conscience, not the collective conscience handed down from on-high by people who view you as nothing more than a set of reproductive organs that can be persuaded to move as an indistinguishable herd. At least I’m very pleased at all the young ladies, old ladies, skinny ladies, chubby ladies, ladies rich, poor and maybe a few not-quite ladies who felt the Bern last night. They spit in the eye of the old feminist guard who have done nothing but teach them to despise men and might very well have reclaimed what had originally appealed to us all about feminism; the individuality of the American woman, her independence, her strength and her will. And who knows, they probably met a few nice guys too.

Meanwhile, somewhere in a campaign office in snowy New Hampshire, someone is wondering just what in hell happened…