So is the IPhone the cell phone of choice for terrorists? Could be. Is it also the phone of choice for those who want freedom and protection from an ever encroaching government? Yes, very likely. It’s also the phone of choice for kids who like to take their own images and splash them all over social media, the choice for those who don’t even remotely think about their privacy and the choice for many companies like mine who assign them to you without asking you your preference. Am I a Luddite because I only wanted a phone that was just a dammed phone? Jeez, I’m lucky if I can even see the numbers on the screen, let alone text or read exhilarating Facebook posts about someone’s totally unique and personally defining “dark chocolate melted truffle mocha espresso with chocolate sprinkles” from the Starbucks they just visited five minutes ago. Yay, look at me; I can spend four dollars and fifteen cents on a cup of coffee. I don’t want the government to find out though; just my followers on twitter.

Tool of a terrorist or found on a victim?

Tool of a terrorist or found on a victim?

I’m quite sure that Apple has done this before. And I’m quite sure that despite their marketing appeal they already have a way to crack Syed Farook’s phone. I trust Apple no farther than I trust this over reaching government. Sorry Tim ol’ boy, you ain’t my hero. Just keep pumping out these overpriced toys made with off shore slave labor so that the narcissistic selfie crowd can have a safe place to keep pictures of their Anthony Weiner.

It could very well end up that data in Farook’s phone is pointing to some greater threat, an armed cell operating somewhere near San Bernardino, or Washington, or heaven forbid, some Starbucks location loaded with, hey, multiple victims clutching their very own protected IPhone, using Apple-pay to purchase the very self-affirming Latte Macchiato that they need to show to the world. Isn’t that the definition of irony, or is it a poor marketing program? Hey, let’s make it easier for some of our customers to blow some of our other customers to pieces. I think they called that “planned obsolescence.” Maybe. One would assume that either of these two market segments would have a low repeat-purchase-likelihood.

Not quite the only ironies here. If you can’t wrap your head around that one, try these; the very same people who transmit their latest “duck-lipped” image or selfies of their oddly misshaped, silicon plumped naughty bits are screaming about privacy rights? Here’s a concept. Privacy starts with you keeping things private. Please. Those who wish for “big government” are pretty incensed that the Justice Department feels it can force a private company to produce a product or service against its wishes. How’s that? If you support the government deciding what light bulb I have to buy, what health care program I must sign up for, what abortion I need to fund or even stipulate that I have to have a friggin’ Al Gore low-flow crapper in the house, well you’re just being a little disingenuous. Or stupid, take your pick. This is the next logical extension of the power of the big brother utopia that you’ve been clamoring for. Shut up and give us your password.

Of course, it’s no different on the other side. You can’t say that you’re for a limited government, and then state that that “limited government” has the power to coerce a company to give away the privacy of its customers. Sorry, incongruous.

I’m pretty certain that Apple can open this phone if it hasn’t already figured out how. From this point on, it’s all marketing optics. I’m also pretty darn certain that the government already has transcripts of all the calls made with this device. Chances are, they obtained this data illegally anyway and are looking for some way to make said data acceptable in court via Apple. Can’t very well walk into court and say “hey, we were illegally wiretapping this phone, no warrant, no suspicions but thought we’d enter this into evidence anyway. Whaddya say judge?”

I fall squarely on the side of the American people here. The government can go take a flying leap. I’d like to toast every terrorist cell in the country, but I’m not willing to trade my rights, your rights or any one else’s rights to do so. And I’m no fan of Apple here; don’t let them fool you. It’s not like they are protecting anything but their bottom line. Pretty much as they should be. Tim Cook may think the high road is going to go a long way for goodwill here, but I think there’s a pretty good chance that they’re screwed either way. Some will see them as supporting radical terrorists; some will see them battling a tyrannical government.

And some like me, will look at both the government and Apple and realize that they are two sides of the same coin; if you think that neither one of them doesn’t have pictures of your baby mama’s pumpkin sized butt, you’re sadly mistaken.

Gotta hang up now; time to finish my pumpkin spiced latte. You can see it on Facebook.

 

Call ended…

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